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I hate Jim Tressel. For those of you who don’t know the devil as I do, I identify the Cloven One as the OhioState football coach. Yes, the visage formerly worn by the infamous Woody Hayes. For Michigan people it has ever been thus. This spawn of Satan has beaten us now 4 years in a row, 6 of 7. It’s the worst stretch in our storied history against the cow farmers to the south.
I’m a child of this conflict. I was born in Ann Arbor, home of the University, when my Dad was in graduate school there. When I was six weeks old we moved to Ohio and I grew up happy and proud, then and now, to be an Ohioan. It’s a wonderful state with solid people and a solid economy, supported equally by farming and industry. 60% of my high school graduating class in Toledo went down the road to Columbus while I never thought of going anywhere other than Michigan. Hey, I was a legacy! I’m sure the first song I ever learned was Hail to the Victors. Long ago I realized I never really had a choice.
Still, I grew up in Ohio in the shadow of football and Woody. I went to a small high school with a crummy football team and I was an all-state tennis player. It made no difference to my social prospects. Girls thought tennis was quaint and asked if I was afraid to try out for football like as my romantic rivals claimed. I stopped telling them about my exploits in acting and public speaking when they only elicited peals of laughter. No, football was the man and Woody was its embodiment. Large, loud, profane and violent, Woody Hayes was the model for too many coaches who copied the histrionics without possessing the coaching talent. Ruined lots of kids, those guys did. Anyway, Woody was a bully and a creep and he was easy to hate. In my junior year at Michigan, OhioState was the national champs. We had a good team when we played them in Columbus that year, but they were fantastic. The Buckeyes crushed OJ Simpson and Southern Cal that year in the Rose Bowl. Anyway, they beat us badly. Finally, with the clock winding down in the 4th quarter, they scored one last time and it was 50-14 OhioState. Incredibly, Woody went for two! The crowd cried for blood and cheered even when the conversion failed. Yeah, Woody was a creep.
The gods of football smiled down on him, though. In Ohio, it is a very big deal to beat Michigan. Sure, it’s our biggest game too, but in Ohio it just…means…more. There are lots of stupid reasons I could offer, but I think most of it comes down to loyalty. You see, most of the great players in Michigan history came—from Ohio. I won’t bore you with the list, but it includes both of our Heisman Trophy winners. So I think Ohio fans, who know football like you know your way home, Ohio fans take it as a matter of simple pride and support for the kids who stayed home to play at OSU. Woody replaced the coach who lost to Michigan three times in a row. His last season, he’d lost to us for the third straight time. He was going, but like I said the gods smiled. Late in the bowl game in which OhioState was playing, an opposing player intercepted the Buckeyes to seal their doom. The kid ran out of bounds on the OhioState sideline, right in front of Woody. Woody hit the kid in the throat with a punch! Naturally he was fired, but there are plenty of us who thought the three Michigan losses had been the real cause and that kid was Woody’s chance to go out with a sword in his fist.
Woody was easy to hate and it was fun to watch him self-destruct. His kind of football was passing anyway. He hated to pass, his time was up. After that, OhioState had a couple of coaches who failed because they a. weren’t Woody and b. didn’t beat Michigan enough. It was as if the devil had gone. Then the devil returned, dressed in a cardigan, for God’s sake! His name------Tressel.
It’s not just that he has our number. It’s not just that the best guys are staying in Ohio instead of coming north. No, it’s worse. Last weekend, late in the game, OhioState was leading by 11 and Michigan was running out of chances. Deep in our own territory with about 2 minutes to play, we went for it on 4th and long. We didn’t make it; it was that kind of day. So OhioState had the ball and a big lead and they were close enough to score again. Hell, they could have kicked a field goal, but they didn’t. They ran out the clock. They took a knee and won without a sneer.
Now you know why I say he’s the devil. My enemy---has class. My enemy---is admirable. It’s a good thing I hate Jim Tressel. Otherwise, I’d really like him…. |
Rush Limbaugh
