George Bush recently sent my wife and me our economic stimulus money - $1,200 worth of cold American cash with which we can help pull our nation from the pit of recession.
At least I hope he sent us our money.
As of this morning, the dollars have not shown up in our direct deposit statement. I’m starting to worry that Bush has pulled another fast one. It would not be the first time that America’s worst president stuck it to us.
Still, we already spent half the money on a gas grill. By next week we hope to spend the rest on a refrigerator.
We did as we were told and pumped the money back into the economy. More desperate people squandered their government windfalls on silly items like gasoline to get them back and forth to the unemployment office, winter heating oil bills or mortgage payments.
Not us.
We’re real Bush-league Americans with a hankering to go shopping and sink our teeth into something juicy. So on Saturday we headed to the Justice True Value hardware store and picked out a dandy Weber gas grill.
In the spirit of small town America – you remember that feeling of bitterness with which Barack Obama accused us of clinging to our guns, churches and high-caliber grilling forks – we couldn’t wait to get home and greet the same-day-delivery that would afford us the opportunity to engage in what truly helps define America.
By nightfall we were slapping blackened tuna and salmon steaks on the gas fire, preparing to tear into grilled fish flesh with the reckless abandon of starving citizens of the revolution.
The problem, though, comes in defining which revolution we’re talking about.
The original American Revolution gave us a chance to be ourselves after kicking those conservative British redcoats from our shores. Various subsequent cultural revolutions afforded us the opportunity to kick conservative and liberal presidents from office.
But the current revolution has me particularly unnerved. Our 21st Century experience might be the beginning of the end of our national power trip. What if we’ve peaked? What if the rest of the world refuses to take our guff anymore, follow our example or treat us like a super power?
What if China becomes the next super nation and leads the way through its totalitarian spirit of “our way or the highway?” We’re in for a very rude awakening if China flexes the way we’re used to flexing.
They’ve already got many of our jobs and industries. China doesn’t have to accept environmental regulations or labor strife. China doesn’t even have to put up with the Dalai Lama’s endless speaking engagements. And, of course, the rallying cry of “Free Tibet” means something very different to Chinese despots. Tibet’s already free as far as they’re concerned – free for their taking, and they took it.
Chinese smoke stacks spew more and more poison into the sky as abandoned United States factories sit idly by, nothing more than available real estate that China might one day buy and turn into a brain wash.
If that happens, expect the Chamber of Commerce to applaud the Chinese investment. Some Americans might even applaud the chance to earn minimum wage making lead-laden toys that Chinese dictator bosses rather than American dictator bosses will allow them to buy for their kids with their employee discount.
Home sales are stalled. Gas prices are rising. Unpaid credit debt threatens to attack small-town American banks and the stability of the great American financial markets we have known for decades.
Food riots also are taking place worldwide. Because China, India and other developing nations are increasing food consumption and buying American grain, even local pizza kings are preparing for a fall.
The barbarians are truly at our gates and we are our own worst enemy.
Still, I got me a gas grill and a sharp fork with which I can flip a salmon steak or defend my backyard against marauding neighbors who smell dinner and expect me to share.
You better back off.
Thanks George.
You’ve made me a better American by giving me a bonus check like I was one of your rich buddies getting a tax break.
If worse comes to worst, though, I’ll just strap my new propane tank on my back, throw the switch to ignite the sucker and take everybody with me.
That’ll show those dirty terrorists, too.
Bringing everybody to justice over fresh grilled corn on the cob is about as patriotic as it gets.
Corbett
