Since democracy has gone hog wild for pork barrel politics, what better way to protest the pillaging of the public trust than by holding a beauty pageant at the state capitol with a fat inflatable porker as the honorary mascot?
Merry prankster Gene Stilp did just that yesterday in Harrisburg.
And, man, how I wish I’d been there.
Dressed in top hat, black tie and tails, Stilp served as master of ceremonies at yesterday’s “Miss Legislative Reform” pageant in the Capitol rotunda. Eleven “beauties,” including a couple of guys in drag, dressed in formal gowns that Stilp picked up at a thrift store. Sparkling in tiaras and sashes, they stood their ground on the finely polished marble steps beneath the great golden dome of legislative justice.
Does legislative justice even exist in Harrisburg anymore?
Did it ever exist?
A statue of Penrose Hallowell has stood for decades in a nearby Capitol Hill park that portrays the great Commonwealth statesman, and I use that word loosely, posing with his hand in his pocket.
Good government scholars swear it was the only time he was captured with his hand in his own pocket.
Stilp, a Wilkes-Barre native and King’s College graduate, has spent decades on the Hill, ferreting out corruption and holding public officials accountable for their wayward public spending and greedy manipulation of government service.
With profiteering a way of life in the state legislature, the current “Bonusgate” scandal now threatens to bring down the house. Attorney General Tom Corbett, who is no relation to me, continues his criminal investigation into allegations that elected and appointed public officials have used state money and resources to build private political campaigns into a highly organized criminal operation.
The AG has already arrested people. Insiders report more arrests on the way.
Stilp has played a significant role in rooting out that evil and highlighting the greedy self-interests of powerful people who are paid to protect us.
One married Bonusgate player allegedly hired his mistress to a no-work job where she studied for college classes and likely daydreamed about her time as a rural beauty queen from Western Pennsylvania.
Ah, those were the days.
Stilp saw the ludicrous irony in the alleged scam and knew that a pageant amid the ugliness of alleged public corruption is another way to draw public attention to the raw politics that bleeds the life from good government.
So there they were yesterday, dramatic contestants that Stilp assembled from God knows where, preening and posing on the steps of the Capitol. Like a carnival barker or MC at a three-ring circus, our man in Harrisburg congratulated all 11 contestants on the “beauty” of reforms they represented such as campaign financing, redistricting, term limits, a smaller legislature, etc.
After all, the beauty of legislative reform is that everybody wins. So Stilp decreed all contestants as winners.
And he promised a swimsuit competition.
Since a couple of men participated in the non-sexist pageant, I wondered if there might be room for me on the stage where a huge inflatable pink pig stood in all her glory.
Stilp promised on “Corbett” yesterday that I would, indeed, have a place in the swimsuit competition in September where I’m hoping that WILK News Radio can broadcast my show live from the Capitol.
One of those nice turn-of-the-century bodysuits might do nicely or maybe a wetsuit with flippers and goggles. I’ll also probably need a tank with a full load of oxygen because political hacks and worse in Harrisburg will even steal fresh air if they’re allowed to go unchecked.
My sash will read “Mr. Sunshine.”
As a member of the press who demands that more light be thrown on these rascals before we throw the rascals out, I’ll bring transparency and freedom to the competition the same way freedom of the press brings transparency and freedom to the public debate.
On second thought, forget about the transparency.
See-through government is one thing.
See-through bathing suits are a whole other matter.
Sue Henry
